Tuesday, August 6, 2013

o filho de diablo or "I will punch you in the face!"

Hi folks, so this is Ashlyn"s mom... I am taking over for Kailey for awhile... I guess. Apparently, Kailey's social calendar is far too busy to bother cutting and pasting Ashlyn's letters on the blog... so until the social scene dies down for her... I am filling in ... We are three letters behind now and Ashlyn is about to disown us all.  As you all know Ashlyn has no filter... so there are a few things in here that made her mom (me) flinch just a little that she actually wrote that as a missionary... but what can i say I tried.... I have categorized everything into the good the bad and the ugly... so if you have a weak stomach just stick with reading the good... but fair warning if you proceed to the bad and the ugly...She doesn't  sugar coat anything ...so... let's just say I warned you.  So..... here is Ashlyn...uncensored, unfiltered and unrated. (Also, she is in such a hurry because her computer time is limited she does not bother to worry about grammatical errors. It is what it is... )

OOOIIIIII, (that is Portugeuse for hellllooo!!!)

well another great week has come and gone. I'm still loving it

This week i kept a journal with everything funny that happened so i could write you and not forget things but I'm still stressed out and the little timer thing at the top of the computer makes me want to punch it in the face.



Mom everyone was obsessed with your package. especially sister hess. they all say thank you and they love you and sister hess ate legitimately 6 fun dips and she has an addiction but don't worry. I'll help her. she wants me to let you know that she is so glad that you exist. 

im ALMOST done with the BOM. just started Ether. its the greatest! EVERYONE READ IT AND MARVEL AT HOW COOL CAPTAIN MORONI IS OKAY? he like almost needs to chill because he is making everyone else look bad. 

so we finished our lessons with Ellison (our fake investigator) and we committed him to baptism! and i came out of the lesson and i was like IM THE BEST MISSIONARY IN THE WORLD!!! and then the next day he came in and went through all of the companionships and told us things that we need to improve on and i was like "im the worst missionary in the world" but it was fine because i had to learn humility and so now that i am humble im the best misisonary in the world. but seriously the lessons went great overall. and its crazy how the gift of tongues is real, like i would just say things and not even have to think of them and i was like UGH YES THE SPIRIT IS SO COOL. 

speaking of humility.... portuguese, still great at it. still hate it.

sometimes when i get really excited i start speaking with a super mexicano accent and so elder nielson asked me if i grew up in mexico or something and i was like "no im just super latino fabulous okay esse? also i worked at Toyota which is like the same thing"

so what else what else. for gym time we play four square and im like hecka much good at it but ehh whats new.

btw go watch the talk character of Christ by david a bednar. its life changing. it makes you feel like youre the worst person on the planet but in like a really good way okay?

okay so on tuesdays we have a devotional and so the entire MTC campus walks from the MTC to the marriott center (about a 5-10 minute walk) and it seriously just gets me everytime. there are just thousands and thousands of us all dressed up walking down the street and you cant even see where it starts or ends because there are so many and im just like YOU GUYS ARE SO GREAT AND I FEEL SO PRIVILEGED TO BE NUMBERED AMONG YOU. and then i get all teary eyed and start taking pictures of it and then these guys just look at me creeped out and i can tell they are like "stop crying and taking pictures of us you creep" and im like "YOULL THANK ME FOR THIS LATER OKAY IM PRESERVING MEMORIES" but seriously its the best. its the coolest thing. we are like the legit army of Helaman and then people from building windows all wave at us and smile and then i start crying again and then the looks start again and its a vicious cycle but i love it.

seriously though, people here are so amazing. like this one elders dad just got arrested and his family has no income. and anothers mom just got diagnosed with cancer and probably will pass away before he gets home and they are all still out here and just being so amazing and i am just so humbled to be among such amazing young people. its great 

And we have so much fun!!! the other day elder colvin was talking to a leader and was like "its just so amazing how far weve come" and then Harvard and i both looked up at each other and started singing super intensely "I BELIEVE THE WORLD IS BURNING TO THE GROUND OH WELL I GUESS WERE GONNA FIND OUT LETS SEE HOW FAR WE COME LETS SEE HOW FAR WEVE COME" (which is a matchbox 20 song mom) anyways it was like a super divine intervention moment and lives were touched all around.

i saw afton at choir! she was sitting right behind me and it was a joyous moment and we hugged and i kept hugging her and she was like stop hugging me but i wouldnt.  i got a picture and a joyous time was had by all.

this next  paragraph starts out kind of bad but then turns GOOD! 

 so the temple is closed for 5 weeks for cleaning or something. im super bummed about it. anyways so we go on temple walks around the temple on our
 P-days and last week we all dressed up but no one else there was dressed up in church clothes and we like bring our scriptures and read and stuff and so last night i was like "can we wear normal clothes like everyone else because its harder to sit and stuff to read in a skirt" and then being totally serious elder phillips was like "well i mean its like it depends on your relationship with God and whether or not you want to show respect to him" which is a different way of saying "its your choice but if you dont wear church clothes youre the devil" and so i wore church clothes and struggled through the sitting on the ground modestly. but in the end i was triumphant and again proved to be the best missionary in the world. 

and now for the UGLY!!!

 HERE IS THE WORST PART OF MY WEEK/MY LIFE: so we were playing this "mix and mingle" game in class where we just walked around and talked in portuguese. and i was winning of course, even though it wasnt a winning game, i was winning. anyways. so randomly my arm started gushing out blood but im like really tough so i didnt even notice it. anyways this elder finally told me that i was bleeding so i booked it to the bathroom and cleaned it up and everyone was fine. right? WRONG NO EVERYONE WAS NOT FINE. because then i come back into the classroom and im sitting and being righteous and whatever and it was fine until my teacher was like "uhh what is this?" and pointed to the whiteboard and IT WAS MY BLOOD ALL OVER THE WHITEBOARD. but i stayed cool and i was like "ew idk wut" but then stupid elder whatcott (who in reality isnt stupid i love him) points at me and is like "THATS SISTER TRUSSEL'S BLOOD I SAW GOODY PROCTOR DANCE WITH THE DEVIL!!" (if you dont understand that joke go back to 10th grade english) anyways it was the worst moment of my life and so i had to go to the bathroom and get paper towels and slowly clean off my blood from the white board while my entire district glared upon me in disgust. and then everything was fine right? WRONG EVERYTHING WAS NOT FINE. because then people started noticing that they had accidentally also leaned on the whiteboard and my blood was all over them. it was a trial and i have a hard life and people need to feel bad for me okay?

OKAY MOM I LOVE YOU BUT NOT REALLY BECAUSE YOU CAUSED ME TO BE A HOOCHEY MISSIONARY. because our zone leader ladies told us that a teacher was complaining about someones shirt being too low in our district and i know that they were talking abotu me and this is all yoru fault because i wanted to be a frumpy missionary and you made me wear real clothes and now im the hooch of the MTC so thanks a lot for ruining my life. lol jk thanks for giving me life more like it im very appreciative.

oh and now for the title of this blog post. o filho de diablo is what elder phillips calls me. its poor portuguese for the son of satan. why does he call me this? i have no idea. could it be because i threatened to bomb a plane if anyone from my district got their visa and tried to leave? idk maybe. could it be because sometimes when we are talking about our "investigator" i threaten to drown him in the baptismal font? who knows. in any event its somewhat rude but i take it as a term of endearment. thanks elder phillips, o filho de diablo to you too. 

this elder in my district said that girls arent funny and so i had to punch him in the face. im sorry i know thats not allowed but its like, what was i supposed to do in that situation? even though i mean he was semi right. i had to punch him on principle. sorry mom

yesterday i just starting pounding out some major sick portuguese and everyone is like "seriously how do you do that?" and im like "idk im awesome okay esse?" and elder colvin got jealous and was like "yeah its not even that hard" so i had to punch him in the face too.  

also we played this game and i cheated and then i ended up losing anyways and i was like "THAT is  IMPOSSIBLE I CHEATED" and then i was called the filho de diablo again. rude.

and then we played this portuguese red light blue light game and i would have come in third but elder helvey the devil he is cheated and so i had to punch him in the face and we had a heated debate where i demanded that he be punished or burned at the stake and so now our teacher wont let us play games anymore. lol jk our teacher loved it. he loves me. 

then  the other day sister Hess pushed my stuff off my desk but then she felt bad and picked it up but as she was bending over i was getting up and i accidentally stepped on her skirt and then she stood up and her skirt fell off and now shes the hoochey missionary and everything is fine.

in an interview one of the men from  my branch presidency told me that i was a very pretty girl. he is 70 years old and  partially blind but ill take what i can get. desperate times my friends. desperate times. 

Now to reply to all of you whom I will still call my friends, who are not  dead to me because you wrote me....those of you who didn't you are still dead to me! 

Mikki-G - love you love your letters. im annoyed that you keep going to disney but i laughed at you yelling at matt. also i thought you werent giving a farewell and so youre dumb but send it to me. also i think that its cute that you think that you are superior to me regarding the temple. youre not even a missionary yet. im like 600x more superior for you and when you come im going to make you feel like such a newbie baby because i own the MTC capiche? also i just sent you a letter about afton and stuff and so read that and send me more dearelders.  send me tanner townsends address 

Paige-ehh. your letter was good but there was still only ONE. ITS LIKE ITS NOT THAT HARD TO KEEP ME SOMEWHAT UPDATED ABOUT YOUR LIFE OKAY?? also stop saying that youre having a good time without me. ill come home and punch you in the face. if i could have one wish on my mission it would be that your life would suffer immensely until i get back and so you would appreciate me more. also i sent you a letter last tuesday so im hoping that you got it.

Nikki Rachel- ahhh you keep me young. i loved your email and the picture was just creepy enough to be funny but not creepy enough that i would consider calling the cops. well done, i  realized why i love sister hess so much. she literally reminds me of a complete morph of the two of you.  i just love her and i love you guys and your email made me laugh and i love you and ill write you. Please  dearelder.com me your addresses and SOMEONE GIVE ME MORE INFORMATION ABOUT KATE MIDDLETON OR IM COMING HOME (jk im staying on my mission forever BUT SEND ME STUFF OR ILL BE MAD). send me yoru address and ill write you a handwritten letter. also thanks for giving my blog views, how many does it have?

kevin-thanks for the letter loved it. thanks for the advice and its true. getting letters is the best. i apprecaite the support as i embark on my quest for righteousness. 

kailey- last week i was nice to you. but not anymore. you seriously havent written me or rachel farnsworth so you better be in jail or dead because no other excuse is going to cut it. but thanks for doing my blog

macey- dont use hot man in your letters it makes me feel uncomfortable and i dont like it. repent and try again. good luck on your tryouts. youll kill it, or you wont. idk. but im sure that they will go great.

mckenna- thanks for the letter not. i dont care that youre at camp. THIS IS 2013 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD YOU CAN FIND INTERNET. jk i forgive you love you lots

sam- yorue the bset brother in the world and your letters make my feel. stay sweet you handsome devil you

makrands-ur a babe stay sweet

Natalie- sometimes i think of your "you will die comment" and i die. of laughter and love for you. 

mommy-i love you and as does my district. send them all letters. they all want some. just send them to me and i will distribute them. also please stop saying lawlz. it makes me feel uncomfortable.but i love you and miss you and please come fix my elbow i will write you today in answering all of your questions but i need perfume ASAP the beds here smell and thus i smell. youre the best mommy in the world and i love you lots and lots and your letters make me smile . here are their names. companion:sister tanton
sister hess
sister calder
larkin (harvard)
also mom i bought a BOM and photo adapter here so dont send those. also my elbow is like getting a rash and it hurts and its itchy and i need you to come here and fix me please. oh and  i loved getting the comments back from my letter, that were posted on my facebook, blog  and what you heard, .  so keep sending those puh lease.

dad-thanks for you two word letter. it really pumped me up. we cant use mp3 in the MTC so you can chill about that. but thanks and when you send it can you put the cummorahs hill soundtrack on it? also the playlists are on my laptop itunes under mission somethign playlist. there should be two. 

YEVI- you little russian . i got your dear elder and it legit made me feel so good. thanks so much youre the best person on the planet. except i didnt appreciate the work out comment BECAUSE ITS LIKE I DONT I JUST LIE ON THE FLOOR WITH SISTER HESS AND PRETEND TO STRETCH. enough with your attitude. but thanks for the letter it was really sweet and i love you baii
oh yeah shilpa love you. i saw a hot indian working at the laundromat and i thought of you. i felt a special bond.  send me your address. 

i forget who else wrote me but ill look over it and write you  back because you are not dead to me. and I appreciate you writing muito!!! (very much) 

love it here! love you all! 
Sister Trussel 

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